Dean Briggs (author of Legends of Karac Tor and other titles, Director of our network of Houses of Prayer, husband, and father) said that he has found that our generation (my generation) is so concerned with authenticity/sincerity, that we often withhold for fear of being inauthentic or disingenuous. That, in combination with an agreement I have with the Lord on not posting every little thing He starts to speak to me as if “I’ve arrived” in the department of hearing God, instead of taking that tidbit and continuing to dialogue with Him – sometimes keeps me from blogging. That and that I don’t wanna be that guy that posts 3 times a day, nor do I even have time for that. So, here’s to messy authenticity (and not-fully-put-together-ness), even as I try to write this coherently, cohesively and concisely. Cuz no one wants to read unstructured rambling for 18 paragraphs, despite how “raw” and “authentic” it is. But maybe I’m already rambling? Ok, intro done, here’s the meat.
I’ve been struck with my own selfishness recently. Realizing how much I want marriage to be like a transaction, only, a one-sided transaction. Scripture, because of the equal nature of its writer, has no need to change. It still applies. I am the servant that was forgiven a great debt, and then I throw my debtor in prison for a sum smaller than I owed and was forgiven. My natural tendency is to want mercy for me, and exact ruthless “justice” on people who wrong me. It’s a constant struggle, laying down my life. This morning I watched an 8min short. It was a little different than I would imagine it would play out if it happened in my life, but the main message was moving. I found myself silently crying out to God, begging Him to help me serve Alyssa selflessly. I started to tear up, and was instantly reminded of Jesus, sweating blood in the garden in Gethsemane, dialoging with His Father. I’ve taken some interpretive liberties:
“Father, this is going to be so hard, if there is any other way, please let’s do that. But, I want to serve you, I want to serve these people.”
And Jesus endured and made it to the cross. God will help me make it. God will help me lay down my life. God will help me keep perspective and love even unto death. He knows how to do it. He is a good Father, He will help. That was my encouragement this morning. I don’t have to twist myself in a knot and strong-arm my way to selflessness. I can say yes to the Father, and take steps.
Abba, Father, Daddy, we love you. Thank you for your love. Thank you for modeling your love through Jesus. Thank you that you will help us, thank you that you care. We trust you, help us to trust you and commune with you always. Thank you for your Holy Spirit, your nearness, the spirit of the Shepherd, that will lead us and help us. We love you, thank you for your love, in Jesus name, amen.
surely goodness and mercy 